Dating after 40: where to meet people and what to expect

If you are dating after 40, back on the market after a long marriage, a divorce, a death, or simply a decade of being too busy, the first thing to know is that you are not unusual. The second is that the dating world you left has changed shape: most first meetings now start on a phone, and the people on the other end are more like you than the advertising suggests.

This guide sticks to what the research actually shows about dating in your 40s, 50s and beyond: who is single, what they say they want, where they meet, what it costs, what sex and health look like at this stage, and the scams that target people your age. Then it gives you a plain plan for the first month.

Is it normal to be single after 40?

Yes. A quarter of 40-year-olds have never married, and nearly 40% of people divorcing today are 50 or older.

Singlehood in midlife is common and getting more common. A record 25% of 40-year-olds in the US had never been married in 2021, up from 20% in 2010 and 6% in 1980, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census data. That does not count the far larger group who married and are now single again.

That second group has grown fast. Researchers at Bowling Green State University's National Center for Family & Marriage Research call it "gray divorce": divorce at 50 or older. In 1990, 8% of people divorcing were 50 or older; today it is nearly 40%. These are often long marriages ending: the median length of a first marriage that ended in gray divorce in 2022 was 29 years. Among people 65 and older, the divorce rate more than tripled between 1990 and 2023, even as the overall divorce rate fell from 19.0 to 13.7 per 1,000 married people.

So if you feel like everyone else your age is settled, the numbers say otherwise. A lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s are starting over, many after 20 or 30 years out of practice.

How many people over 40 use dating apps?

About one in five Americans aged 50 to 64 has used a dating site or app, and 37% of those aged 30 to 49 have (Pew, 2023).

Online dating is no longer a young person's thing, but it does thin out with age. In Pew's 2023 survey, 30% of US adults had ever used a dating site or app. By age group:

• Under 30: 53%
• 30 to 49: 37%
• 50 to 64: 20%
• 65 and older: 13%

Read those numbers the right way round. They describe all adults, married or not. Among single people in their 50s and 60s, the share who have tried it is higher, and the pool of other single people your age is concentrated on a handful of services rather than spread across dozens of apps.

What older daters say they want

Ask people over 50 why they date, and the answers have shifted toward the casual over the past decade. In an AARP survey fielded in 2012 of 1,000 single adults 50 and older, 48% said they used online dating for a serious relationship, 26% for friendship or companionship and 14% for casual dating. In AARP's January 2026 survey of 300 people 50 and older who had dated online in the last three years, 38% said their main goal was a long-term partner, 39% wanted to date casually and meet new people, and 8% wanted sexual relationships.

The two surveys asked different questions of different samples, so treat the comparison as a direction, not a precise trend. But the direction matters: you will meet plenty of people your age who are not looking to remarry, and that is a legitimate thing to want, for them and for you.

Romance has not gone anywhere, though. In the Match and Kinsey Institute Singles in America survey of 2,213 singles 50 and over, reported by AARP in 2025, 91% said sexual chemistry is essential to a romantic relationship and 58% said they believe in love at first sight, up from 43% in 2014. Older does not mean less interested.

Men and women are not looking in equal numbers

One honest thing to know before you start: among single adults, men are much more likely than women to be looking. In Pew's 2019 survey, 61% of single men were looking for a relationship or dates, compared with 38% of single women, and Pew says the gap is especially wide among older singles. The same survey found that half of all single adults were not looking at all.

In practice that means a woman in her 50s who does want to date tends to have a lot of choice, and a man the same age has more competition and needs a better profile than he thinks. It also helps explain why some men in their 30s and 40s end up dating women older than themselves. Our guide to age-gap dating covers that honestly.

The pressure also fades with age. Only 32% of singles 50 to 64, and 21% of those 65 and older, said they felt pressure from society to find a partner, compared with 53% of singles under 30 (Pew, 2020). You get to date for your own reasons now.

What is the best dating site for over-40s?

For a relationship, the one with the most people your age on it: half of online daters 50 and older have used Match, against 11% who have used Tinder. For something casual, an adult site, chosen carefully.

The apps that dominate in your 20s are not where people your age are. In Pew's 2023 survey, 79% of online daters under 30 had used Tinder, compared with 44% of those 30 to 49, 17% of those 50 to 64 and 1% of those 65 and older. Users 50 and older were about five times as likely to have used Match as Tinder: 50% versus 11% (Pew, 2023).

Mainstream services

For most people over 40 who want a relationship or regular dates, the starting point is a mainstream service with a lot of people your age on it. Our reviews of Match, OurTime (a 50-plus service owned by the same company) and SilverSingles cover what each costs, how they check profiles, and what has gone wrong before. They are slower than a swipe app, and that is mostly a good thing.

Adult and "mature" sites

If what you want is casual sex rather than a partner, the adult sites exist for that, and there is nothing wrong with saying so. Be more careful with them, not less. Adult sites have the weakest profile checks in this market, and a site that charges you per message earns more the longer you chat and the later you meet. Our reviews say what each one costs, how it bills and what its own terms say about its profiles. Read the reviews of AdultFriendFinder, MyMaturePassion, Mature Fun, Senior Fun and MilfFinder before you put a card in, and set a monthly limit you will not cross.

How much does dating after 40 cost?

Most sites are free to join, but a real conversation usually means paying: reported one-month prices on the sites we review run from about $25 to about $55.

Longer plans cost less per month (SilverSingles was reported at $12.99 a month on a 12-month plan) but are paid in full up front. Older daters pay more often than younger ones: 41% of online daters 30 and older have paid to use a dating platform, compared with 22% of those under 30 (Pew, 2023), and 52% of the 50-plus daters in AARP's 2026 survey paid for upgrades. Paying is fine. Auto-renewal you forgot about is not: put the renewal date in your calendar the day you subscribe.

How long does it take to find someone after 40?

Usually months, not weeks. Among 50-plus daters looking for a long-term partner, one in five had a relationship of more than three months with someone they met online, and half had not found anyone yet (AARP, 2026).

AARP's 2026 survey is the most useful reality check we found. Of the 50-plus daters looking for a long-term partner, 20% were in a relationship of more than three months with someone they met on the platform, 21% had had a serious relationship that lasted less than three months, 9% were dating someone new, and 50% had not found anyone yet (AARP, 2026). Overall, 65% were satisfied with their experience and 59% would recommend the app they used to a friend.

Put plainly: it works for a good share of people, it takes months rather than weeks, and half of the people trying are still trying. Go in expecting a slow process with some good evenings along the way, not a quick fix, and you will be less tempted to quit after a bad first week, or to over-invest in the first person who is kind to you.

Things that are different now

• Most people have a history. Ex-spouses, grown or growing children, grief, money arrangements. None of it is a red flag on its own. Not being able to talk about it calmly is.
• Logistics matter more. Custody weekends, work, aging parents. A first date on a weekday afternoon is normal.
• You know what you don't want. Use it. Saying "I don't want to live together again" or "I want someone who wants more than texting" in your profile saves everyone time.
• Many people are out of practice. Including the person across the table. Nerves are normal on both sides.

Sex after 40 and 50: what changes

People keep having sex well into later life, and they want to. In the University of Michigan's National Poll on Healthy Aging, 40% of adults 65 to 80 were sexually active, nearly three-quarters had a romantic partner, and 54% of those with a partner were sexually active. Nearly two-thirds said they were interested in sex (University of Michigan, 2018).

Your body has changed, and so has your partner's

The National Institute on Aging is frank about the common changes: after menopause many women have less vaginal lubrication and thinner vaginal tissue, which can make penetration uncomfortable, and erectile dysfunction becomes more common in men with age. Both are treatable, and both are normal topics to raise with a doctor. Few people do: in the Michigan poll, 62% said they would talk to a provider about a sexual problem, but only 17% had done so in the past two years (University of Michigan).

STIs don't check your age

If you married young, you may never have had to think about condoms as anything but contraception. Now you do. The NIA puts it bluntly: age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases, sexually active older people can get syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts and trichomoniasis, and the number of older people with HIV is growing. Its advice is to use a condom for vaginal or anal sex and a dental dam or other barrier for oral sex (National Institute on Aging).

Pregnancy may be off the table; infection is not. Have the testing conversation before sex, not after, and get tested yourself when you start seeing someone new. The CDC's testing page explains which tests to ask for and where to find free or low-cost testing.

Why are older daters targeted by scammers?

Because people in their 50s and 60s often have both savings and fewer people checking in on them, and romance scammers know it.

Of the 50-plus online daters in AARP's 2026 survey, 41% said they had come across a fake profile or someone trying to scam them. Across all ages, Americans reported losing $1.14 billion to romance scams in 2023, with a median loss of $2,000, according to the Federal Trade Commission.

Older adults are also the most wary: 62% of Americans 65 and older say online dating is not a safe way to meet people, compared with 42% of adults under 50 (Pew, 2023). That wariness is useful, as long as it turns into a few firm habits rather than staying offline altogether.

The pattern to watch for is always the same: someone attractive who is keen fast, can't meet in person or on video, and eventually has a crisis that money would solve. Our full guide to romance scams aimed at older daters walks through the scripts and what to do if you have already sent money.

How to start dating again after 40: a first-month plan

1. Decide what you want, in one sentence. A partner, a companion for dinners and travel, or something casual. It decides which service you join and what you write.
2. Pick one or two services, not five. For most people over 40 that means a mainstream service with your age group on it. Add an adult site only if casual is the actual goal.
3. Use recent, clear photos. Taken in the last year or two, in daylight, smiling, with at least one full-length shot. Your profile is not the place for the photo from 2009.
4. Write like yourself. Specific beats impressive. Say what a good Saturday looks like and what you are looking for. Our profile and safety guide has examples.
5. Set your safety rules before you need them. A separate email address, no home address or workplace in the profile, a video call before meeting, first dates in public, a friend who knows where you are, and never sending money to someone you have not met.
6. Move to a real date within a couple of weeks. Long text-only relationships are where scams and disappointment both grow. Coffee or a walk is enough.
7. Sort out the health side. Buy condoms, get tested, and if something about sex has changed for you, book the appointment you have been putting off.
8. Give it three months before you judge it. The AARP numbers say a real share of people find someone; they also say it is rarely in the first fortnight.

Dating at this age has one big advantage over dating at 25: you know who you are. Lead with that, be clear about what you want, and the right people will find it easier to say yes.