Romance scams targeting older adults: signs and what to do

Romance scams targeting older adults are not a story about gullible people. They are a story about organized, patient, well-scripted crime that targets the thing most of us want after 40: someone to talk to at the end of the day. The scammer is warm, attentive, never too busy to reply, and has a problem that only money will fix. By the time the problem appears, the relationship has been running for weeks or months and feels real.

Older daters are hit harder than anyone else, in money if not in numbers. This guide sets out what the federal data says, the scripts that keep coming up, the payment methods that should stop you cold, and what to do if you, or a parent, are already in one.

How much do older adults lose to romance scams?

People 60 and over reported $584 million in romance-scam losses to the FBI in 2025: nearly two-thirds of the $929 million it logged for all ages.

The FBI: people over 60 carry most of the losses

The FBI's 2025 Internet Crime Report counted 23,159 confidence/romance fraud complaints from people of all ages, with $929 million in reported losses. People aged 60 and over filed 10,188 of those complaints but reported $584 million of the losses, up from $389 million in 2024. In other words, fewer than half the complaints, nearly two-thirds of the money.

The younger end of our readership is not immune: the same report logged 3,745 romance complaints and $131 million in losses from people aged 50 to 59, and 3,010 complaints and $75 million from people in their forties. Across every kind of internet fraud, people over 60 reported $7.7 billion in losses in 2025, a 59% jump in a year, with an average loss of $38,500 per complaint.

The FTC: more likely to lose, and to lose more

The Federal Trade Commission counts fraud reports separately, and its picture matches. In its Protecting Older Consumers 2025–2026 report, the FTC found that, adjusting for population, adults 60 and over were 48% more likely than younger people to report losing money to a romance scam. Older adults who lost money reported a median loss of about $900 across all fraud types; for people 80 and over it was $2,000, higher than any other age group. Reports of losses over $100,000 made up just 6% of older adults' loss reports but 70% of the money, and the FTC names romance scams among the main sources of those six-figure losses.

Across all ages, the FTC says reported romance-scam losses rose 22% in 2025, coming to about $2,020 per person. For comparison, the FTC put 2023 romance losses at $1.14 billion, with a median loss of $2,000.

Most of it is never reported

All of these figures undercount. In a February 2026 AARP survey, nearly 1 in 10 adults over 50 said an online romantic connection had ended in a request for money or cryptocurrency, and more than half (55%) of those who lost money said they never reported it. Shame does the scammer's work for him a second time.

Where do romance scammers find older people?

Mostly on social media, not dating apps: nearly 60% of people who lost money to a romance scam in 2025 told the FTC it started on a social platform.

Dating apps are only part of it. In 2025, nearly 60% of people who reported losing money to a romance scam told the FTC it started on a social media platform. For older adults, romance scams accounted for 23% of all money lost to frauds that began on social media, second only to investment scams, according to the FTC's older-consumers report.

The other classic opening is the "wrong number" text. The Treasury's financial-crimes unit, FinCEN, describes scammers opening with a text or direct message that pretends to have reached the wrong person or to be reconnecting with an old friend. You reply to be polite, they apologize charmingly, and a friendship starts.

On a dating site, the tell is speed off the platform. The FTC's romance-scam guidance says scammers soon want to move you to email, calls or another messaging app, build trust fast, chat several times a day and talk about "true love" early. The reason they leave the app is simple: the app can ban them and read reports about them; WhatsApp or Telegram can't.

What are the signs of a romance scam?

Someone who is keen fast, wants to move off the app, can't meet or video call, and before long has a crisis that money would solve, or an investment they want to show you. These are the scripts behind it.

The man (or woman) who can't quite meet you

Scammers need a reason they can't show up for coffee. In its analysis of romance-scam reports, the FTC found that being stationed on a faraway military base was the most popular excuse, followed by stories like working on an offshore oil rig. Others claim to be doctors with international aid groups, engineers on contract abroad, or widowers working overseas.

The military persona is common enough that Army investigators have published warnings for years. Army CID advises that a real service member can send at least one email from an address ending in ".mil", and that requests for money for transportation, communication fees, marriage processing or medical fees are red flags. Its summary: "Don't ever send money!"

The crisis

Once the relationship feels solid, a problem appears: a medical bill, a customs fee on a package they've sent you, a plane ticket to finally visit, a visa, a lawyer, a frozen bank account. The FTC lists all of these. The amount usually starts small and grows, and each payment makes it harder to stop, because stopping means admitting the earlier payments were lost.

The investment tip ("pig butchering")

The most expensive version never asks for help at all. Instead, your new partner is doing very well trading cryptocurrency or gold and offers to show you how. FinCEN's 2023 alert calls this "pig butchering", after the practice of fattening a hog before slaughter, and says the schemes are largely run by criminal organizations in Southeast Asia that use victims of labor trafficking to send the messages.

The FBI describes the pattern in its 2025 report: contact through texts, social media, ads or dating apps; a quick move to a messaging app; a fake trading platform showing fake profits; offers of loans to invest more; and, when you try to withdraw, "taxes and fees" that are one last theft. People 60 and over reported $2.76 billion in losses to cryptocurrency investment fraud in 2025, more than any other age group. Not all of that started with romance, but the FTC notes that romance scammers often "casually" offer investment advice to lure people onto these platforms.

The AI upgrade

The FBI says scammers now use AI chat generators to write more believable messages, and it logged over $19 million in 2025 romance losses with a likely AI link. Smooth grammar is no longer evidence of anything. Neither, increasingly, is a short video call: treat one as a good sign, not proof.

How do romance scammers ask for money?

Scammers want money that is fast and hard to claw back. The FTC lists wire transfers through services like Western Union or MoneyGram, gift cards (where they ask for the PIN codes), payment apps and cryptocurrency. Any one of these, requested by someone you have not met, should end the conversation.

• Gift cards. No real person needs to be paid in Apple or Target card numbers read over the phone. Among older adults, gift cards were the most frequently reported payment method on romance scams in 2025.
• Crypto, including at a Bitcoin ATM. The FBI logged 6,188 complaints and $257 million in losses from people over 60 who paid through cryptocurrency ATMs or kiosks in 2025, far more than any other age group.
• Bank wires and transfers. The FTC says bank transfers and cryptocurrency are the most costly payment methods for older adults by total dollars lost.
• "Just hold this for me." Being asked to receive money or a package and send it on is not a favor. It can make you part of a money-laundering chain.

The rule the FTC puts plainly is worth taping to the fridge: "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person." Not a loan, not "just this once", not to a third party they name.

Five checks before you go further

1. Reverse-search their photos. The FTC suggests a reverse image search of the profile picture. If it shows up under another name, or on a stock site, you have your answer.
2. Search their story. Type their job plus "scammer": "oil rig engineer scammer", "UN doctor scammer". The same scripts are reused thousands of times.
3. Ask for a live video call, soon. Someone who has a reason to avoid one every week for a month is telling you something.
4. Keep the conversation on the app for now. It costs a real person nothing; it costs a scammer his cover.
5. Tell one friend. The FTC's advice is to talk to someone you trust and ask whether they're worried about the relationship. Scammers often ask you to keep things private. That request is itself a warning.

If you're choosing where to date, our Match, OurTime and SilverSingles reviews cover what each one does to verify members, and our profile and safety guide covers setting up a profile that gives scammers less to work with.

What to do if you sent money to a romance scammer

Stop paying, call the company you paid straight away (some payments can still be reversed in the first hours or days), then report it to the FTC and the FBI.

Stop paying, then call the company you paid

The first job is to stop the bleeding: no more payments, whatever the story, and stop replying. Then move fast, because some payments can still be reversed in the first hours or days. The FTC's what-to-do guide says:

• Gift card: call the card issuer using the number on the back, say a scammer got the number and PIN, ask for a refund, and keep the card and receipt.
• Wire transfer: report it to Western Union, MoneyGram or whichever company you used, and ask for a refund.
• Bank transfer or Zelle: call your bank or credit union and ask it to reverse the payment.
• Cryptocurrency: contact the exchange or ATM operator and report the transaction as fraud. The FTC warns crypto lacks the legal protections cards have, so recovery is hard.
• Credit or debit card: call the issuer and dispute the charge.

Report it, even if the money is gone

Report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI at ic3.gov, and report the profile to the app or site where you met. Speed matters with bank transfers: the FBI's Recovery Asset Team froze $679 million in 2025 by working with banks on fresh reports, including $32.9 million for victims over 60. Its advice is to call your bank immediately to request a recall, and to file at ic3.gov whatever the amount, with full transaction details.

For a person on the other end of a phone: the AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline is 877-908-3360 (weekdays, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern), and the Justice Department's National Elder Fraud Hotline is 833-FRAUD-11 (833-372-8311) for anyone 60 or older. It is free and assigns callers a case manager.

Watch for the second scam

Victims get targeted again by people who promise to get the money back: fake law firms, fake government agencies, "crypto recovery experts". The FTC says scammers buy lists of people who've already paid scammers, and its rule is simple: never pay upfront for help getting a refund. In 2025 people over 60 reported $540 million in losses to these recovery scams, according to the FBI. The real hotlines above don't charge.

What to do when a parent is in a romance scam

Adult children often spot it first: the sudden secrecy, the new "friend" overseas, the gift cards on the kitchen counter. The instinct is to say "this is obviously a scam." AARP's advice, in its guide to loved ones who won't see it, is to avoid accusations and blame, which only deepen the wedge the scammer is already driving. Instead:

• Ask questions and listen. Let them tell the story in their own words, then point gently at the parts that don't add up. They need to reach the conclusion themselves.
• Bring in someone they trust. If your relationship is strained, AARP suggests a favored relative, a financial professional or their doctor may get further than you.
• Show them the script. The FTC and FBI pages linked here describe their "unique" love story almost word for word. Seeing it in print can do what an argument can't.
• Remember the loneliness is real. The scam worked because it filled a gap. Helping them meet people in person, or try a mainstream dating site with verification, matters as much as cutting the scammer off.

You may not win the first conversation. Keep the door open, keep the tone kind, and offer to help them call the bank and report it when they're ready.

The short version

Real people over 40 meet online every day, and most of the people you'll talk to are exactly who they say they are. But the money rule has no exceptions: someone you have never met in person does not get your money, your gift-card numbers, your crypto or your bank login, whatever the story. If you hold that line, a romance scammer has nothing to take but your time. For the safer side of dating at this age, read our guide to dating after 40.